Breathless
by NettieC
Summary: When our favourite duo find themselves in London, El is more than surprised by Liv's suggestion but who is he to refuse. As good as it is, things change and their lives may forever be altered. Read and Review at your leisure. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Last November I found myself in London, standing at Charing Cross Station, beneath the Thistle Hotel. I was waiting for a friend and I waited and waited and …you guessed waited. I decided to let my mind wander and this is where it took me… Enjoy! **

** Please remember I was (and am) still new to SVU so somethings may be a little off.  
The characters still belong to Mr Wolf - I just hang around with them from time to time.  
**

Thistle Hotel, Charing Cross, London  
Sunday 8:00pm

Elliot walked through the door and into the adjoining hotel room, calling out,

"Are you okay, Olivia, you've been in the shower for ages?"

"Nearly done," she replied, "just wanted to wash that flight off me."

In a surprising twist on Friday afternoon, Captain Donald Cragen had informed them they would be heading to London to assist a rape victim in her video link testimony in a related case. The detectives originally slated to make the Atlantic venture were unavailable and Olivia and Elliot jumped at the opportunity.

The six hour flight from New York to Heathrow had taken an additional three hours due to a delay on take off and another one on arrival. To top it off, the flight attendant had spilt orange juice over Olivia and then a child with a milkshake ran into her in the arrivals terminal. A shower was top priority.

"I've spoken to Jane Windsor. She'll see us at 2:00 pm tomorrow and has made herself available at the same time each day, for as long as necessary. So that should help Casey."

"Good."

"That means we have time for other things. Since it's your first trip to London, what would you like to do?" he called.

"You."

"I wouldn't mind seeing the London Eye. You?"

"You."

"I just said…" He stopped yelling as Olivia opened the bathroom door. "Sorry, you mustn't have heard me. I said I wouldn't mind seeing the London Eye."

"I heard you, Elliot, but did you hear me?"

"Yes, I did." He replied defensively. "I asked you what you wanted to do and you asked me."

"No, I didn't, I said you."

"That's right, you asked me."

"I'll spell it out for you. You asked me what I wanted to _do_ in London and I want to_ do_ you. Is that clear enough?" Olivia walked past him and over to her suitcase.

Seeing Elliot's reaction in the mirror, Olivia smiled, she had left him speechless. She sat on the bed and demurely pulled at her robe. Elliot opened his mouth to speak a few times but the words wouldn't come.

"Elliot, I have thought about this, us, more than a few times but every time I tried to talk to you about it someone or something interrupted. I thought being in a different country would give us the opportunity to try things out…to see what happens. I mean, I don't want this to sound so casual but…"

"It could never be casual," Elliot finally spoke.

"Have you ever thought about us? I mean about us being more than work partners."

"Two or three times." He caught the look of disappointment on Olivia's face. "Well, to be honest, it would be two or three hundred times."

She smiled.

"So, how do you see this working?" Elliot asked after a few moments of silence.

"You have four children, you should know."

"No, no, I mean…"

"I know what you mean. I think in our free time we take every opportunity to explore this 'thing' between us once and for all. Find out whether we're just good friends or more than that."

"And when we get back to New York, what then Liv?"

"Then we can make an informed decision."

"Hmm," said Elliot, heading to the bathroom in his own room.

"Hmm? Is that all? Elliot?" she called.

"What?" he replied, returning to her room wearing a matching robe.

"Oh!"

"If you want to do me, who am I to object?" He took her in a warm embrace. The kiss, although tender, was awkward, both being nervous about the impending change in their relationship. Elliot pulled back slightly.

"You sure about this, Liv?"

"Aha! You?"

"Never surer!"

The ensuing hours were filled with a level of passion neither had imagined. The sexual tension which had built up slowly and steadily during their partnership was being released in a myriad of ways, leaving both breathlessly fulfilled more than once.

Around 3:00 am, the guest in the next room banged on the wall and shouted at them to take a break. Elliot collapsed on the bed laughing.

"Oh well, at least we've had no complaints from that room," he said, nodding towards his own room.

"No complaints from this room either." Olivia rolled onto Elliot and kissed him

"I guess we should keep it down," he muttered.

"But I don't want to keep it down," Olivia pouted. "I want to keep _it_ up."

Olivia disappeared under the covers and all Elliot could do to avoid disturbing their neighbour any further was to hold a pillow over his face and give into the pleasures Olivia was bestowing on him.

Monday

12:00 pm

"Olivia…Liv." Elliot shook her gently. "It's time to get up." He planted three soft kisses on her forehead as she stirred. "Come on, Sleepyhead, time to do some work."

Begrudgingly Olivia sat up. "I'd rather stay in bed."

"So would I but it's noon, I'm starving and we have to be in Golders Green by two."

"Humph!" Olivia climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom, stopping to give Elliot a good morning kiss which made him rethink his decision to ever get out of bed. "I'll be ready in twenty minutes," she called as she shut the door.

"I'm ready now," Elliot muttered, wondering just how much time they could spare before seeing Jane Windsor.

Jane Windsor's Flat  
"Come in." Jane Windsor ushered them into her second floor flat and took a quick look around before shutting the door.

"Thank you for seeing us today, Ms Windsor," Elliot began. "We know it can't be easy for you."

"No, it's not easy, Mr Stabler, but it does have to be done, doesn't it?"

'Yes, ma'am, it does."

Olivia looked at the photographs around the sitting room as Jane poured the tea.

"These are lovely photos, Ms Windsor."

"Thank you, Miss Benson," Jane replied, handing her a cup.

"Olivia, please."

"Then I'm Jane. I took most of these myself. Photography has always been a passion of mine."

"Have you taken any lately?"

"Oh no, I don't go out much, not since I returned from New York."

"Do you have family around?" asked Elliot.

"Yes, my parents live nearby."

"And have they been supportive?"

"Oh no, they don't know about it. I didn't tell them. That's why I asked you here, I work for my father."

"Why didn't you tell them?" asked Olivia.

"My family was against me going to the US and I went anyway. They warned me against New York, and I lived there anyway. They would have blamed me and I didn't want to hear I told you so."

"Jane, the rape was not your fault," said Elliot.

"I should have…"

"Nothing you should or shouldn't have done makes it your fault. Brian Leeson is the guilty one, he's the one at fault," said Olivia.

Jane just nodded.

After two hours of reviewing Jane's statement and court testimony from her own court case, answering her questions and reviewing the trial procedures for the upcoming case, Olivia and Elliot left.

"Thousands of miles and an ocean away and that bastard is still controlling her life," Olivia said as they stood on the train platform at Golders Green.

"We should be able to put her in contact with some support agencies before we go." Elliot said.

Olivia smiled and huddled closer to him. "Why aren't all men like you?" she asked as she kissed his cheek.

"Because then you wouldn't know how special I am."

"What do you want to do about dinner?" Elliot asked as they neared their hotel.

"It's just gone five; it's a bit early to eat, isn't it?"

"Oh, I don't know I thought we'd start up there with dessert and go out later."

"Elliot!" Olivia said with mock surprise. "Are you trying to get me into bed?"

"Yep!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Last November I found myself in London, standing at Charing Cross Station, beneath the Thistle Hotel. I was waiting for a friend and I waited and waited and …you guessed waited. I decided to let my mind wander and this is where it took me… Enjoy!**

Thistle Hotel  
Tuesday  
4:10 am

Their early morning tryst was interrupted by the phone.  
"Yes," answered Elliot.

"Elliot, is that you?"

"Yes. Casey?"

"Yes, sorry Elliot, I forgot about the time difference. It must be early there."

"Yeah, 4.00 am."

"Sorry!"

"That's okay, Casey, what do you need?"

"Actually it wasn't you I wanted, it was Olivia. Isn't that her room?"

Elliot looked at Olivia and thought quickly. "Yeah, it was but we swapped rooms, she said hers was too cold."

"Ah, such chivalry!"

"Just wait a sec and I'll get her." Elliot got out of bed, fiddled with the lock on the adjoining room, opened it, waited, shut it, then slipped back into bed and handed Olivia the phone.

"Hi Casey," said Olivia, trying to sound tired.

"Hi Liv, sorry to wake you."

"That's okay, what's up?"

"We may have a problem with the Leeson case."

"What is it?"  
"Leeson has a new lawyer, Carl Brenovich,…"

"Yuck!"

"I know my thoughts exactly. You know the way he works; he's saying Jane Windsor's testimony is irrelevant as she's not prepared to face him in court. He also says her testimony will be 'guided' by you two. Further, he says she's the one who made the move on him and he spurned her, much the same as he said during his trial."

"That's rubbish!!!"

"I know, but Brenovich also knows Jane is the only one who can link him to the other three victims. She's the only one who managed to get away and can identify him."

Wednesday  
3:21 am

"What's up, Liv?" Elliot asked, waking to find her sitting on the hotel room floor.

"Sshh, it's okay, go back to sleep."

"What's up?" he asked again, getting out of bed and joining her. Olivia flicked through the pages of documents relating to the case. "Found something?"

"I'm not sure. I just had to check."

"And?"

Olivia closed the file and sighed. "All four victims lived in Jane's building, Ambley House. Each one had their hands and feet bound, was raped, probably at knife point, had a red hood placed over their head and, except for Jane, murdered."

"Yeah, and?"

"When Leeson was convicted of Jane's rape, he maintained she came onto him…"

"Yeah."

"What if the other three women also met him prior to the nights they were killed?"

"Can we prove that?"

"Maybe Jane can. One of Leeson's defence arguments was that he had only been at Ambley House once, right?"

"Right."

"So, did you see all the boxes of photographs in Jane's apartment? There must have been ten boxes marked New York and at least six which read Ambley House. If we can find one picture with Leeson in it, we can prove he was there more than once."

"Liv, there could be thousands of photos."

"Yeah, but we just need one."

Jane Windsor, having taken the day off work, and having made arrangements to meet Elliot and Olivia at Scotland Yard for the video linkup at 1:00 pm, was surprised to see them on her doorstep just after 8:00 am "Something wrong?" she asked, without greeting.

"We'd like to look at some of your photos, the ones of New York, if that's okay?" said Olivia.

"Why?"  
"We want to see if you've caught Brian Leeson on film."

"They aren't really dated but go ahead."

"We'll start with the ones specifically around Ambley House."

Nearly three hours of painstaking searching ensued before Elliot held up a solitary photo. "Got him!" He passed the photo to Jane who nodded.

"When was it taken?" Olivia asked.

"Summer by the looks, maybe late spring," said Elliot.

"Emily Corstan was murdered May 21, Carla Ramsden July 2, could be either of them," said Olivia.

Jane took the photo, her eyes scanning each pixel of the print. "I remember this day," she said slowly. "There was this delivery van which sat across the road for most of the morning. There it is," she said tapping the edge of the photo. "I remember being annoyed because it was blocking my view of the cherry blossom tree which was in full bloom."

"Sounds like spring to me," said Elliot.

Jane fished through another box and produced four other photos, each one revealing more of the delivery truck. However, the only identifiable markings they could get were a J&S on the driver's door and E23 as a partial tag.

"It was a delivery truck," added Jane, "but I didn't see them deliver anything."

Elliot moved out of the room to call the precinct and returned soon after.

"I've passed the information on. We'll take these photos with us and send them from Scotland Yard. Our captain said there was a delay yesterday, so you won't be required until tomorrow."

Jane nodded. "Will this be enough to get him?"

"No, but it will help."

------------

After an afternoon at Scotland Yard and dinner with the Inspector and a few senior officers, Elliot and Olivia strolled back to their hotel hand-in-hand, knowing they were safe to do so. As they neared Charing Cross Station, Elliot told Olivia to stay put and slipped into the Tesco's Local.

"What's in the bag?" Olivia asked as he reappeared.

"Just wait."

As soon as they returned to the room, Olivia asked again. Elliot produced two cans of whipped cream and a bottle of chocolate fudge sauce.

"Since we didn't have dessert earlier, I thought we'd have some now."

"On what?"

"I was going to eat mine off you."

Olivia lay naked on the bed keeping as still possible as Elliot drizzled the chocolate fudge over her body and sprayed on the cream. As he began his tantalising journey around her body, he could sense her tensing up. He paused and looked up at her.

"Liv, you okay?"

"Aha." Was all she could manage.

He moved to her left breast and as his mouth and tongue worked to devour the sauce and cream, he saw Olivia grab the bed clothes and whimper.

"It's okay, Liv, you can cum."

"No," she replied breathlessly. "I want to wait for you."

He moved to her right breast, paying equal attention. Olivia's grip tightened as Elliot created feelings within her she had never experienced. Just as she realised she wouldn't be able to wait much longer, Elliot stopped. She waited for him to recommence but when she felt him use a towel to wipe off the remnants, she opened her eyes.

"Elliot, what's wrong?" she asked, seeing the concerned look on his face.

"Um…"

"Elliot?"

He took her hand and folded all but her index finger into her palm. He kissed the tip of the finger and gently guided it to the underside of her breast. It took her only a moment to feel the lump he had discovered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Last November I found myself in London, standing at Charing Cross Station, beneath the Thistle Hotel. I was waiting for a friend and I waited and waited and …you guessed waited. I decided to let my mind wander and this is where it took me… Enjoy!**

Thursday  
8:00 am

Elliot lay in bed and listened to the shower running, checking the time, he realised Olivia had been in there nearly thirty minutes. He went and opened the bathroom door.

"You okay, Liv?"

"Yeah fine," she answered, though he knew she was lying.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, just finishing up."

When Olivia came out twenty minutes later, Elliot had already showered and dressed in his own room and was sitting on her bed waiting. Olivia's flushed face and red rimmed eyes revealed her true state.

"Liv?" Elliot took her hand. "Do you want to talk?"

"No, I'm fine really. As I said last night, it's most likely a cyst; I've had a few before. I'll have it checked out when we get back." She tried to sound nonchalant but she wasn't fooling anyone, least of all herself. Elliot decided to allow her this deception, for the time being. He stood and embraced her, kissing her forehead three times he reminded her he would always be there for her.

Scotland Yard  
12:45 pm

After the last of the security checks on the video link up equipment, Jane Windsor stood in the doorway of the interview room looking edgy and pale.

"Jane, can I get you anything?" asked Elliot.

"No thank you, I'm alright. I just want this over with."

"I understand."

"I just thought I was over rehashing all of this when he was convicted."  
"Usually you would have been but…"

"I understand why my testimony is necessary; I just wish it wasn't the case."

Olivia left the room to answer her cell. She returned a few minutes later.

"Your wish has come true, Jane."

"Sorry?"

"You are no longer required to testify." Elliot and Jane exchanged glances.

"What happened?" asked Elliot.

"Brian Leeson was found murdered in his cell three hours ago. There was a note found with the body which said 'Justice has been delivered'."

"Delivered? Was he the one in the delivery van?" asked Jane.

"Not sure," answered Olivia, "but it seems more than a coincidence."

Thistle Hotel  
Friday  
0206

Though they had gone to sleep in the same bed, Elliot wasn't surprised to find Olivia missing when he woke. He knew she was more concerned about the lump than she was letting on, but he wanted to be supportive. He climbed out of bed and found her asleep on top of the covers of the bed in the adjoining room. Elliot returned to his bed and grabbed the duvet. He gently placed it over Olivia and slipped into the bed beside her. Almost immediately she rolled into his arms and he kissed her head three times.

When Elliot woke again it was to the touch of Olivia's hand on his face.

"Elliot, it's time to get up." He struggled to open his eyes. "Elliot, come on." He saw her sitting on the bed, fully dressed. "Elliot, our flight's in four hours, you need to get moving."

"We're flying today?"

"Yeah, there was a change of plans." Olivia didn't tell him it was she who changed them and Elliot didn't ask.

Olivia feigned sleep for most of the return trip and, when awake, the conversation was light and superficial. It wasn't until they were in the taxi from La Guardia that Elliot broached the topic of them.

"Liv, I know London didn't end the way we thought it would…"

"No, it didn't."

"I think we…"

"Elliot, I don't think now's the time."

"I know you are worried…"

"No, I'm not!"

"Liv?"

"Elliot?"

"Okay, what now?"

"I think we go home, sleep, get over the jetlag and get ready to face the new week."

"What about seeing the doctor?"

"Oh, I'll ring during the week, as I said I'm not worried."

The taxi pulled up in front of Olivia's apartment building.

"Do you want me to come up, Liv?"

"No, no, I'm fine, honestly. I'll call you."

"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah." Olivia leant over and kissed his cheek. "Thank you Elliot, it was amazing."

Precinct  
Monday  
9:10 am

Despite Elliot's phone calls and Sunday afternoon drop by, he had not caught up with Olivia. He went to work early in the hope she had too; she hadn't. By nine, when she still hadn't arrived, he went into see Captain Cragen.

"Captain, did Olivia call in today?"

"Yes she did, sorry Elliot. She's off sick."

"What's wrong?" he asked cautiously.

"Flu I think, she sounded terrible. Probably won't make it in tomorrow either."

"Okay." Elliot went to leave.

"Elliot, anything wrong?"  
"No, why?"

"You just had this look."

"No, no, still a bit tired I guess."

"You sure? You two didn't have a falling out in London, did you?"  
"No sir, we had a good time."

"Good within reason I hope."

"Yes, Captain, within reason."

Precinct  
Tuesday  
2:15 pm

Elliot returned from an interview with John Munch to find Olivia at the precinct.

"Liv, where have you been? I've been trying to call you," Elliot said in hushed tones.

"I've been around."

"Can I…"

"No, sorry, I've got things to do."

"Liv, I just want…"

"It's not always about what you want, Elliot!" She picked up her purse and headed into the Captain's office.

Her time in there was brief and when she left it was clear to all she was not departing on the happiest of terms. She sailed past Elliot without a second glance. He had just taken two steps in pursuit of her when Cragen's voice boomed out.

"Stabler, get in here." Elliot looked in both directions. "NOW!!!"

Dutifully he turned and went in to face a very irate captain.

"Yes, Capt'n?"

"Don't 'yes captain' me! Exactly what happened in London?"

"What do you mean, sir?"

"I mean what went on between you and Benson?"

"Sir?"

"Come off it Elliot, something happened." Elliot's mind was racing, had she told him?

"We worked on the case, had a fairly good time – sightseeing and stuff. Why?"

"Well, your partner just quit. Said circumstances change and things never turn out the way you think."

"Damn!" Elliot shot out of the office so fast he didn't hear the order for him to stop. He bolted down the stairs and out of the building but he couldn't see her. He grabbed his cell and called her but she didn't answer.

"Elliot!" He felt his captain's hand on his shoulder. "What's going on? What's this all about?" Cragen's voice was calm and composed something Elliot hadn't expected. Torn between trying to find Olivia and give his boss an answer which would be truthful yet undetailed was difficult.

"Elliot, did you two have a falling out?"

"No."

"A lover's tiff?"

"No!"

"Then?"

Elliot drew a deep breath. "Olivia may be having some health problems."

"What sort of health problems?"

"She found a lump in her breast when we were in London."

"Oh God!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Last November I found myself in London, standing at Charing Cross Station, beneath the Thistle Hotel. I was waiting for a friend and I waited and waited and …you guessed waited. I decided to let my mind wander and this is where it took me… Enjoy!**

Precinct  
Friday  
10:30 am

Elliot had spent a great deal of his working week and personal time searching for Olivia but it was to no avail, she didn't want to be found. With the reluctant help of her building superintendent, he had gained access to her apartment but it revealed nothing. While sitting at his desk, Olivia's phone rang and he answered it.

"Detective Stabler. Can I help you?" He said.

"May I please speak to Olivia Benson?" came an unknown voice down the line.

"I'm sorry; she's not available at the moment. Can I help you?" Elliot replied, pen poised to take the message.

"No, it's a personal matter. When will Olivia be available?" Elliot's eyes opened wider, to his knowledge Olivia rarely received personal calls.

"May I ask your name?" he said eagerly.

"Marian O'Dade."

"Ms O'Dade…" Elliot began

"Doctor actually." The voice corrected him and his heart skipped more than a few beats.

"Dr O'Dade, Olivia isn't expected in the foreseeable future." Elliot confirmed.

"Do you know how I can contact her – it is rather important?" Dr O'Dade asked, an urgency in her manner.

"No ma'am, I'm having trouble with that myself." Elliot admitted.

"Look, Detective, if you do contact her, please get her to phone my cell – it's 0204 555 9636 or Allen Slater on 555 3628."

Elliot hung up and dialled the latter number. "Oncology, Dr Slater's Rooms." He slumped back in his chair, and raised his hands to his face trying to take in his assessment of the phone call. All he knew was he needed to find Olivia, he needed to know the truth but above all he needed to hold her…tightly.

Elliot's Residence  
8:45 pm

After futile attempts to locate Olivia after work, Elliot went home and headed to the shower. As he was about to step into the cubicle the phone rang but it stopped before he reached it, the caller's number had been blocked and no message was left. So tiredly he went back to the bathroom and stood under the steady stream of hot water; its soothing nature did nothing to relax him. He turned off the taps, wrapped a towel around his waist and headed to a small cabinet in the sitting room. He retrieved a half empty bottle of whiskey and headed to the kitchen for a glass. As he did he saw a note had been pushed under the door. He unfolded it: _Elliot, sorry I missed you. Please call me, O._

He threw open the door and found Olivia leaning against the opposite wall. Without a word, he went to her and took her in a strong, comforting embrace, her tears mingling freely with the water on his body. They stood there a long time before Elliot led her inside. While Olivia went to the bathroom, Elliot threw on grey sweats and fixed them both a stiff drink. She came back and sat beside him on the sofa.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, not meeting his gaze.

"What for?" He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close.

"For everything! For being such a mess, for not calling, for Tuesday at the precinct, for shutting you out, for everything." The words came tumbling out, along with a cascade of tears.

"Don't apologise Liv," Elliot soothed, wiping away the tears. "Please just tell me what's going on?"

She looked up at him, eyes wide and glistening with tears. "Elliot, I have cancer."

Whilst Elliot believed this would be the ultimate outcome, he found hearing the words from Olivia's own lips heartbreaking. He held her tighter and kissed her head three times. After taking a few minutes to let the news sink in, Elliot drew her face up to his.

"Liv, tell me about this week." He said quietly, his head resting on hers, their bodies still entwined.

She drew several deep breaths then began speaking at a rapid pace wanting to get out the whole story while she could.

"When I got inside on Friday afternoon, I rang Dr O'Dade straight away. I know I told you I wasn't worried but I was – my grandmother and two of her three sisters died from breast cancer. She told me to come straight in, so I did, I was the last patient of the day. I was really hoping she'd say it was nothing, you know, just a cyst but she didn't." Olivia paused to collect her thoughts. "I became, well…I was upset, and wanted to know there and then, you know me."

Elliot smiled. "Yes, I do." He held her a little tighter.

"She rang her partner, Dr Slater, an oncologist at Mount Sinai, and he slotted me in for a biopsy Friday night. I went back Monday for the results." She stopped and took several deep breaths.

"Why didn't you call me? I would …" Elliot began but she continued on.

"I didn't want to think about it. I was trying to ignore it – you would have just made it too real." Tears began to tumble silently.

"Then what happened?" He stroked her hair.

"On Monday I went back to Dr O'Dade and well, you can guess what she said. I thought I would be able to handle it, but Tuesday when I went into the precinct I just …"

"Quit?"

"Yeah, figured it would be easier to do than say I had cancer. I was supposed to have an appointment with Dr Slater yesterday but I …"

"You didn't go."

"Yeah." She buried her head in his chest and clung to him tightly.

They talked a while longer and though Elliot couldn't find the words he wanted, he did what he could to comfort her. A little after one, Olivia fell asleep and he gently eased her down on the sofa and covered her with a blanket. Pulling an armchair closer to the coffee table, he sat, put up his feet and watched her until he fell asleep.

Dawn had barely broken when Elliot heard movement in his apartment, opening his eyes he saw Olivia rummaging around.

"What are you looking for?" he asked, startling her.

"Oh Elliot, I was just about to go home." She said coming over to him.

"No you're not." He took her hand and she sat on the arm of the chair.

"Yeah, you need to get some proper sleep," she said, running her hand over his hair.

"And so do you." He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her arm. "Olivia, if you want to go home, that's okay, but I'll be going with you."

"No, honestly, Elliot, I'll be fine," she protested with little enthusiasm.

"Yes you will be but I'll still be going with you." He squeezed her again.

Knowing she couldn't win the argument, Olivia relented and sat on the coffee table. "Okay, I'll stay as long as you go to bed – you can't be comfortable in that chair."

"Fine," Elliot said, standing up. "But you sleep in there with me."

"No, really, the sofa's fine." Olivia said, sitting down on it, once again.  
"You sleep on the sofa and I'll sleep in the chair." Elliot said.

Wanting what was best for him, Olivia, once again conceded and before long they were both asleep in Elliot's bed. When she finally awoke it was to the smell of burnt toast. She made her way to the kitchen as Elliot retrieved the blackened remains of what was to be his breakfast from the toaster.

"Still can't cook, I see," Olivia said, kissing his cheek.

"Yeah, not one of my greatest skills. Can I get you something?" Elliot offered, kissing her back.

"No thanks, I think it'll be safer to get it myself."

Over breakfast, Elliot explained the phone call he'd made earlier to Dr O'Dade and how they were expected at Dr Slater's office at 1.00 pm.

"So," he concluded. "We'll finish up here and head to your place and then go in."

Olivia sighed deeply; it was beginning to feel too real.

Mount Sinai  
Dr Slater's Room  
1:00 pm

"Olivia, it's good to see you. You had me worried," said Dr O'Dade coming into the small waiting room and shaking her hand.

"I'm sorry, Doctor, it just …well, I didn't take the news as well as I could have." Olivia and Elliot stood.

"I understand, dear, and this must be your Detective Stabler."

"Yes ma'am," said Elliot, shaking her hand.

"Thank you for phoning me this morning, Detective, you put my mind at ease."

"You're welcome, Doctor, and it's Elliot."

"Well, Allen's in there so come on in and we'll get started." Dr O'Dade and Olivia headed into the small consulting room and Elliot hung back. Olivia turned back to him and stretched out her hand. "Please?" she mouthed.

Elliot was introduced to the Oncologist and sat by Olivia, holding her hand throughout the appointment.

"Okay Olivia, we're going to take this from the top and as scary as it all sounds, I'm going to try and not frighten you away this time," said Dr O'Dade.

Olivia gave a half-hearted smile and Elliot squeezed her hand.

"Olivia," began Allen Slater. "The tumour in your right breast is cancerous but it is benign – let me repeat that, it is benign. It is an inch by an inch and a half and needs to be removed. The best option is to do a lumpectomy and hopefully remove the tumour in its entirety."

"Hopefully?" echoed Elliot.

"Despite all the innovations in technology, sometimes it's only when we start surgery we see how invasive the tumour actually is," answered Dr O'Dade.

"And if it's larger than you think?" he asked.

"Well, as I explained to Olivia, we may be required to do a partial or total mastectomy," said Dr O'Dade.

"And will that be enough to get rid of the cancer?" Elliot asked, his heart racing.

"We will follow up the surgery with an intensive course of chemotherapy or radiation therapy to ensure we have eliminated every last cell. The decision on a follow up treatment cannot be made until after the surgery," explained Dr Slater.

"When can you operate?" Olivia asked, finally joining the conversation.

"Monday morning, I checked the schedule when Elliot rang this morning and we can slot you in then."

"Monday? So soon?" Olivia whispered.

"The sooner the better, Liv," said Elliot, stroking her arm.

"I guess so," she replied in a whisper.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Last November I found myself in London, standing at Charing Cross Station, beneath the Thistle Hotel. I was waiting for a friend and I waited and waited and …you guessed waited. I decided to let my mind wander and this is where it took me… Enjoy!**

Oncology Ward  
Monday  
8:30 pm

After Saturday's consultation Olivia maintained a stoic stance and although Elliot was never too far away from her, she refused to discuss anything but the mundane. He tried to talk to her about her treatment but she wouldn't engage in the conversation. Then he tried to talk about them, she wouldn't reply. When he pressed her, she simply kissed his head and told him all talk of 'them' was on hold until after she had the treatment, which brought them back to the original conversation.

This stoic stance continued until the very last moment. As the orderly wheeled her towards the operating theatre and away from Elliot, tears slid, unchecked, down her cheeks. The orderly stopped the trolley and Elliot swiftly moved to her side.

"Are you okay?" he asked, wiping away her tears. "Sorry, stupid question."

"Yeah, I'm okay – just a little scared." She gripped onto his arm, her eyes pleading with him to stay.

"You'll be fine and I'll be here when you wake up." He kissed her head and needed every ounce of will power to let her go.

"Promise?" she said, in a voice so small.

"Promise!" He kissed her forehead again and then she was gone through the double doors and into the sterile environment of the OR.

Elliot stood for a moment or two, watching an empty doorway, then wiped his own eyes. Taking a few deep breaths he turned and headed for the waiting room, following Olivia's instruction from the previous evening, he took out his cell and called the office.

Fin answered. "SVU, Detective Tutuola speaking."

"Fin, it's Elliot, is the Captain there?" he asked, slumping into a cold, hard chair.

"No man, he's at OnePP, apparently something's hit the fan and he could be there a while. Where are you – have you gone AWOL too?" Fin joked.

"Look Fin, can you do me a favour?" Elliot asked.

"If I can." Fin thought Elliot's tone was a problem on the line.

"Can you pass a message on to Cragen as soon as he returns?" he asked.

"What is it, top secret?" Fin joked again.

"Not top secret, but we want it kept on a need-to-know basis." Elliot admitted, knowing he could trust his friend.

"We?" It was Fin's turn to ask questions.

"Well, Olivia does," Elliot said. "I'm just the messenger."  
"Okay, Elliot, what is it?" he asked, noting the serious tone in Elliot's voice.

"Olivia has cancer and is in surgery at the moment." Each syllable tore a piece of his heart.

"Oh man, no!" Fin exclaimed, shocked by the sudden transformation in their lives.

"Yeah, look, can you just tell Cragen and I'll call later when surgery's done." Elliot tried to wind up the conversation, desperate to protect his own fragile state of mind.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Fin asked, desperate for a yes response.

"She should be but we'll just have to wait and see." Elliot sighed.

"Does she need anything?" Fin asked, wanting to do something, anything for his friend.

"A few prayers wouldn't go astray." Elliot admitted, his faith hadn't deserted him.

"Elliot, do you need anything, man?" Fin asked.

"No, I'm fine," Elliot lied, there were so many things he needed right now but Fin couldn't help with any of it.  
"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Waiting Room  
11:45 am

"Hi Elliot," began Dr Slater as he entered the room. "It's over, Olivia did very well."

"Can I see her?" Elliot asked, standing to greet the oncologist.

"She's just being moved into recovery. You'll only be able to see her for a minute or so but you'll be able to stay with her once she returns to her room."

"How did it go? You seemed to be in there forever." Elliot asked with a rising sense of trepidation.

"It did take a little longer than expected," Dr Slater admitted.

"Does that mean it was worse than you thought?" he asked, not really wanting to know the answer if it was true.

"The tumour itself was larger and had invaded into deeper tissue than showed on the scan." The doctor explained.

"Did you have to do more than a lumpectomy?" Tears welled and a lump, the size of Texas, seem to be lodged somewhere in his throat.

"Yes, we did a partial mastectomy to ensure we got the lot." Dr Slater said.

"And you did? I mean, you got it all." Dr Slater nodded. "Liv doesn't know yet, does she?"

"We'll tell her when she wakes up." The doctor replied, making some final notes on the file in his hands.

"Can I be there?" he asked, _please, please please_, his brain pleaded.

"Sure."

Dr Slater led Elliot down the white sterile corridor and into the recovery room, as they neared Olivia's bed, Elliot's heart began to race.

"Elliot?" Olivia croaked upon opening her eyes.

"Hey Liv, it's over. You did very well," he said, kissing her gently and finally feeling like he could breathe.

"Did they get it all?" she mumbled, the effects of the anaesthetic still apparent.

"We sure did, Olivia," answered Dr Slater.

"Good," muttered Olivia.

"Olivia, we had to do a partial mastectomy," explained Dr Slater, slowly and deliberately.

"No!" Olivia protested weakly.

"Yes, it was what we had to do." Dr Slater reiterated.

"No!" Her voice weaker.

"It's okay Liv," Elliot said, stroking her hair.

"No!" she repeated before falling asleep.

Oncology Ward  
Olivia's Room  
5:03 pm

Olivia awoke to find Elliot asleep in the chair beside her bed; his hand holding hers. She gave it a gentle squeeze but he didn't stir, exhaustion had taken its toll.

"Hello Olivia, can I come in?" She looked up and saw Captain Cragen in the doorway. She nodded. "How are you feeling?" Olivia moved her head from side to side, indicating a so-so response. "Well, you seem to be doing better than Detective Stabler, here."

Olivia smiled. "He's been very good to me but he's exhausted and he just won't admit it."

Don moved around the bed and tapped Elliot on the shoulder.

"Liv?" he said, springing to life.

"No son, it's your captain." Don replied.

"Oh sorry, sir," Elliot yawned.

"Time for you to go home and get some decent sleep, Elliot. I'll do the night shift." Don offered.

"Thanks Captain, but I promised Liv I'd be here when she woke up."

"I am awake, Elliot." He spun around.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asked, squeezing her hand.

"Okay. You?" Olivia asked, noting he looked as bad as she felt.

"I'm fine," he said.

"Elliot, the Captain's right, you need to go home and get some sleep." Olivia said.

"No, honestly I'm okay." Elliot replied, it wasn't a lie in the true sense of the word, now she was awake and through the surgery, he felt more than okay.

"Please go home, Elliot, I'll be fine, really." Olivia pleaded.  
"Are you sure, Liv?" She nodded. "Really sure. I mean…"

"Elliot, she's sure, now go." Don said finally.

Elliot leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "You have them call me if you need anything, okay?" She nodded. "Okay then. Are you sure?"

"Elliot, go," said Don ushering him to the door. "Olivia will be in good hands."

Elliot gave her one last smile as he moved out of the room. "Ah Captain," he said, drawing his boss into the corridor. "You will make sure to call if she needs anything, won't you?"

"Son, I'll make sure Olivia has everything she needs." Don said reassuringly.

"And if…"

"Elliot, Elliot, enough! Olivia will be fine, now go home. You'll be no good to her if you are exhausted. She'll need you more when she gets out than she does now.

"Okay, okay, I'll go." Elliot finally conceded.

"Good man!"

Elliot moved down the corridor towards the elevators as the captain returned to the room.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Don asked, noting Olivia's tears as she tried to brush them away.

"Nothing, I'm okay," she whispered.

"And that's why you're crying?" Don smiled and touched her arm.

"No, no, I'll be okay. Can you just give me a minute?" she asked, trying to compose herself.

Don went out into the corridor and signalled Elliot to return. In a few long strides he was back. "Problem?" he asked

"I think you need to say goodbye again. I'll wait out here."

Elliot went straight in and sat on the bed, he brushed away her tears.

"Miss me already?" he joked.

"Aha," she whispered as fresh tears fell.

"It's okay," he soothed, taking her in a cautious embrace, stroking her hair softly. "It's okay."

When she stopped crying, Elliot pulled back. "Liv, I don't have to go."

"Yes you do," said Olivia, trying to pull herself together. "You're tired and so am I; it's been nearly two weeks since we got any decent sleep."

He ran his hand up and down her back, the memory of their sleep deprivation in London bringing a smile to them both. "Will you be okay?"

"Yeah," she sighed, in his arms she'd always be okay.

"Anything you need?" he asked. "Water? Kleenex?" Olivia nodded. "Kleenex?"

"No, this…" She put her arms around his neck and tenderly kissed his lips. "Thank you for everything," she whispered.

"Anytime, Liv, anytime."

Oncology ward  
Olivia's Room  
Thursday 4:00 pm

Elliot picked up the last of Olivia's bags and put his hand on the small of her back. "All set to go, Liv?"

"Definitely! I can't wait to sleep in my own bed." She smiled broadly, glad to see the back of this place.

"I bet!" said Dr Slater, entering the room. "So you have all your paperwork and meds, you know your radiation therapy appointments are set for Fridays at 1:00 pm from next week and you have my contact details should you need anything."

"Yes I do, thank you so much Dr Slater, I appreciate all you have done." Olivia said, shaking the doctor's outstretched hand.

"You're welcome, Olivia, now a nurse will escort you out and I'm sure Elliot, here, will take good care of you."

"I sure will, Doc." He couldn't have smiled wider if he wanted to.

The journey from the hospital to Olivia's apartment was a quiet one. Elliot tried to make conversation but Olivia was preoccupied.  
"Hey, you're very quiet over there, what are you thinking?" he asked as he reached for her hand.

"Nothing," she shook her head and her hair fell down on her face.

"Nothing? Nothing at all?" he said with mock surprise. She shook her head again. "You okay?" She nodded but he saw the telltale glistening in her eyes, he pulled the car over and turned to her.

"Okay, what is it?" He said quietly but firmly.

"Nothing Elliot, really I'm fine. I'm just tired and …"

"And what Liv?" He used his hand to draw her face around to him.

"No, just tired." She smiled weakly.

"Okay then," he replied, not believing her. He pulled the car back into traffic and before long they arrived at Olivia's apartment block. He helped her out of the car and collected her belongings.

"Elliot," she said quietly as they reached her door. "Can you stay tonight? I mean you don't have to and if you have any other plans I understand…"

"Olivia," he said putting down her bags and holding her close, "my things are already in there."

"Thank you," she whispered.

Elliot knocked on the door as Olivia tried to turn the key.

'There's no one…" she began before the door swung open. Casey greeted them with a party hat on her head and a noise maker in her mouth, she blew it loudly. Behind her hung a hastily made banner which read 'Welcome home, Olivia.'

"Whoo Hoo!!! You're home," said Casey, blowing the whistle again. She gave Olivia a kiss and hug. "In honour of your return home, we are having a small celebration." She ushered them both in. "Now, please be seated." Olivia sat on the sofa and Elliot sat beside her. "She's here, we can eat!"

From the kitchen came Fin, Munch and George carrying an array of dishes and platters.

"About time," said Munch, "I'm starving. Welcome home Olivia, it's good to see you looking so well." He kissed her cheek.

"From me too, Liv," said Fin. He kissed her cheek and patted Elliot's shoulder as he walked past.

"Now, who's for a drink?" asked George as he popped the champagne.

"Looks good but I think I'll stick to water," said Olivia as she went to get up.

"No Liv, sit!" ordered Casey. "Fin will get it."

"Yes ma'am," replied Fin with a quick bow.

The party was over within the hour when Olivia fell asleep on the sofa. Quietly the guests departed, each one offering Elliot their support and best wishes. When the last one had left, he placed a blue throw rug on Olivia and started to clean up.

"Hey, where's everybody gone?" she called out about twenty minutes later.

"Everybody went home," replied Elliot, returning from the kitchen.

"Because of me? I'm sorry; I guess I was tireder than I thought," Olivia stifled a yawn.

"Tireder? Is that a new word?" Elliot smiled.

"You know what I mean." She struggled to get up from the sofa.

'Hey, where are you going?" he asked, coming closer to her.

"I was just going to…" Olivia began.

"You're not just going to do anything. If you need something just tell me. I'll be more than happy to get it or do it," Elliot insisted.

"Really?" Olivia smiled.

"Really! Now, what do you need?" he asked.

"I need to go to the bathroom," she said and watched his reaction.

"Oh!" Elliot's face flushed slightly. "I guess there are some things you'll need to do for yourself."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Last November I found myself in London, standing at Charing Cross Station, beneath the Thistle Hotel. I was waiting for a friend and I waited and waited and …you guessed waited. I decided to let my mind wander and this is where it took me… Enjoy!**

For the duration of Olivia's treatment, and for longer if necessary, Don had reassigned Elliot to work on pilot program to review and revisit old SVU cases. Much of the work was computer and file based, meaning he could work at the precinct, at home or at Olivia's.

Olivia and Elliot had come to an arrangement where he would stay for three nights following her radiation therapy and go home for the following four. Olivia knew he would move in with her if she asked but as much as she longed for him to be there, she couldn't bring herself to ask. She didn't want him to confuse the feelings he had for her with a sense of obligation.

The radiation therapy course was to run for eight weeks, with a full review a month after it ended. All being well Olivia would then undergo reconstructive surgery. That was the plan. With the first two weeks of treatment Olivia suffered greatly. When she wasn't sleeping she was vomiting and Elliot spent more time with her than she wanted.

By the third round she coped much better and the fourth one, though leaving her listless, didn't create the need for Elliot to stay beyond Sunday night, he tried to change her mind but she was insistent, it was after all the plan.

On Wednesday evening, as Olivia was about to get some dinner, there was a knock on her door. She knew it wasn't Elliot, he had a key.

"Yes?" called Olivia, looking through the peephole.

"Liv, it's Maureen. Maureen Stabler." Came the disembodied voice.

"Hey Maureen, come on in." Olivia opened the door.

"I'm so sorry to disturb you but I just wanted to see dad," said Maureen, concern written across her face.

"Sorry honey, he's not here," said Olivia, rubbing her guest's arm.

"Oh, I'll go." Maureen turned but Olivia caught her arm.

"No, no, come and sit down. Is everything okay?" Olivia asked, noting the demeanour of her guest.

"Yeah, sort of. How are you? I was sorry to hear about the cancer. I'd have visited sooner but…" Maureen's eyes danced all over the place.

"I'm doing okay. Radiation is no picnic but if it does the job it'll be worth it." Olivia admitted, then changed the topic. "Can I get you something to eat or drink? I'm making cheese on toast, not that appetising, I know, but it's all I can stomach."

"Cheese on toast sounds good but let me do it – you sit down." Maureen insisted.

"You sound just like you father," said Olivia, sitting on a stool near the kitchen bench. Maureen gave a half hearted smile. "He'll probably drop by soon. He's not supposed to but he will – he'll have some excuse."

"That's because he cares about you." Maureen dropped her head and focused intently on the cheese in front of her.

"Yes he does. Maureen, what's wrong? You don't have to tell me but sometimes it's easier to talk to someone…" Olivia asked quietly.

Maureen burst into tears and Olivia moved to console her. "Oh honey, it's okay."

"No, no it's not," she sobbed." I was stupid and irresponsible and …and this is my punishment."

"What is?" Olivia asked, holding her tighter.

"I think I might be pregnant," she sobbed some more.

"Oh honey, sshh! Come on, tell me what happened?" She sat Maureen on the stool.

"I...I met this guy," she sniffled, "he seemed nice and we went out a few times. We slept together – just once and when I called him last month his wife answered the phone. He was married, I didn't know, honestly Liv, I didn't."

"It'll be okay Maureen," she said as she hugged her tightly.

"Now my period's late and I'm too scared to take a pregnancy test. I don't want to be a pregnant and I don't want to be a disappointment to mom and dad." The young girl's eyes were panic stricken

"Honey, whatever the result you'll never be a disappointment to them. They love you very much." She hugged her again.

"That's why I wanted to see dad before I found out, just to be sure he loves me." She dropped her head.

"He does Maureen, believe me, he loves you very much." Olivia gently raised her face again. "When are you going to find out?"

"I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow." There was a noise at the front door.

"Quick wash your face, that's your dad." Olivia went into the sitting room to give Maureen a chance to compose herself.

-------0000000-------

"Hello Detective Stabler, what is the reason behind today's visit?" she asked in a serious tone as Elliot closed the door behind him.

"Do I need a reason, Liv?" he asked, hanging up his coat.

"No." She hugged him briefly. "You are not the only visitor this evening."

"I'm not?" He kissed her cheek.

"No, we have a mystery guest in the kitchen. She's just making some tea, want some?" Olivia offered.

"Can she make coffee?" Elliot asked, preferring it to the 'flower water' Olivia drank.

"Sure, I'll go tell her." Olivia left.

"Who is she?" Elliot called after her.

"Just wait."

Olivia went into the kitchen. "You doing okay, hon?"

"Yeah, thanks Liv, I appreciate it. I'll get dad his coffee."

"Maureen!" said Elliot when she entered carrying the cups. "Why are you here? Anything wrong?" He stood to greet her.

"No dad, everything's fine." She bit her bottom lip and looked at Olivia for help.

"Maureen had a class cancelled this afternoon so she stopped by to see me, to see if I needed anything. Wasn't that sweet of her?" Olivia lied.

"It certainly was." Elliot hugged and kissed his daughter.

"Dad, I was just going to make Olivia cheese on toast for dinner, want some?" Maureen asked.

"Cheese on toast isn't quite dinner, Liv," said Elliot. "The doctor said to try…"

"It's what I want!" Olivia declared

"Cheese on toast it is then," replied Elliot, he knew better to argue when she was like this.

Dinner and chatter ensued, the topic being kept light and Elliot was pleased to see two of his favourite women getting along so well.

"I'll just clear these away," Maureen said, picking up the plates.

"No, no, I'll do it, after all you cooked," said Elliot, taking the plates from her.

"Aww, thanks dad, in that case I'll just go to the bathroom." Maureen excused herself.

Olivia leaned back on the sofa and closed her eyes, listening to Elliot at the sink.

"Liv!" She could hear Maureen whisper from the doorway. "Olivia, could you come here, please?"

"What's wrong?" asked Olivia moving towards her.

"I've just got my period and I don't have anything. Could I…?" Delight spread across Maureen's face.

"Top drawer, left hand side," Olivia said. "How are you feeling now?"

"Never better!" She gave Olivia a tight hug.

"Whoa, whoa! A bit too tight." Olivia said.

"Sorry Liv, I'm just so happy."

Elliot had just sat down on the sofa when Olivia returned. "Don't make yourself too comfortable, Detective."

"Why not?" he asked, picking up her hand.

"You need to take your daughter home." Olivia instructed.

Elliot stood. "Liv, is there something wrong? She doesn't seem herself."

"There's nothing wrong, Elliot. She's just a little tired and I think she misses you. I have been taking up a lot of your time lately." Olivia admitted.

"Okay," Elliot said. "I'll drop her home and come b…"

"You'll drop her home and go home. I'll see you tomorrow no doubt." She kissed his cheek.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Last November I found myself in London, standing at Charing Cross Station, beneath the Thistle Hotel. I was waiting for a friend and I waited and waited and …you guessed waited. I decided to let my mind wander and this is where it took me… Enjoy!**

Two weeks after her final treatment and two weeks before her final review Olivia was restless and bored. Fed up with looking at the same four walls, fed up with treatments and appointments, she decided to treat herself to a shopping spree. Well, she told herself, not quite a spree but an escape from this place, nonetheless. Still feeling weak and tired, her plan was to catch a cab into Bloomingdales, spend an hour at the store and then take a cab home, nothing to onerous and something she could do alone.

When she excitedly told Elliot of her anticipated venture he was more than a little concerned, and wanted her to wait until he could take her.  
"But Elliot," Olivia protested, pouting for good measure. "I want to look for new underwear."

"I don't mind, honestly." He winked at her.

"I do!" Tears brimmed, frustration boiling over.

"Then organise something with Casey," he suggested, not wanting her to be alone, not wanting to force himself upon her as a shopping companion.  
Olivia was insistent and went on her own.

Ten minutes into her outing, she was standing in the lingerie department of Bloomingdales and taking in the new fashions when a sudden wave of panic swept over her. She looked at the delicate, lacy bras and wondered how anybody, especially Elliot, would ever consider her beautiful again. All her self doubts came to the fore, her head started spinning and her stomach churned. She felt suffocated by her own thoughts and the heat of the store. Desperate for air, she was stumbling to find an exit. Suddenly she felt a strong hand on her arm. "Olivia, what's wrong?"

"Maureen, thank god!" she managed before she passed out.

Coming to a few moments later, Olivia realised she was on the carpeted floor of the lingerie department. The same garments which tormented her only minutes before, now hung suspended above her head. A small group of onlookers had gathered and Maureen was doing her best to move them on.  
"Liv, oh, thank god you're awake! Do you want me to get dad? I'll call him." Maureen pulled out her cell, her eyes reflected the fear Olivia felt.

"No! Please don't call him, I'll be fine. Promise me you won't call him." Olivia beseeched, gripping Maureen's arm tightly, he was the last person she wanted to see right now. It was the thought of him which induced the panic attack in the first place.

Reluctantly, Maureen made the promise, wanting to do anything to ease the distress Olivia was experiencing.  
"How about I just take you home then?" she asked, helping Olivia off the floor before picking up her bag.

"That'd be good," Olivia sighed, wanting nothing more than to be safe within those same four walls she had despised just that morning.

Once they arrived home Olivia went to change into sweats. Feeling miserable and unattractive, the old, grey sweats were the perfect accessory to her mood. When she came back onto the living room, she saw the tea and sandwiches Maureen had prepared for them both.  
"Maureen, I'm fine, really. You can go," Olivia said, more in hope. Her tears were bubbling just below the surface and she didn't want Maureen witness any more than she already had. Maureen shook her head; she and her siblings shared their dad's affection for this woman.

"Liv, what's wrong? You don't have to tell me but sometimes it's easier to talk to someone…" Maureen began, Olivia smiled her words exactly.

"I guess it all became too much," she admitted wearily. "I tried to do more than I should have."

"And?" Maureen prompted when nothing further was forthcoming

"And what?" Olivia asked.  
"That wasn't all, was it?" Maureen turned around and sat cross legged, Olivia noticed for the first time, Maureen's eyes were the exact some colour as her father's. Those eyes were one of the first things Olivia had fallen in love with, she had become an expert in reading them, in feeling them on her, she couldn't deal with those same cool blue eyes from his daughter.

For self protection, she closed her eyes, and didn't know if she could or should talk about the man she loved with his daughter. Maureen read her thoughts.

"Dad loves you, Liv. It doesn't matter how you look on the outside. He loves you." Olivia opened her glistening chocolate eyes and stared blankly, sure Maureen was speaking a different language. "Liv, you do know that he loves you, don't you?" She shook her head. Maureen moved closer and took her hand. "Believe me, Liv, he does."

"Did he tell you?" Olivia asked in barely a whisper.

"He didn't need to, I saw him with you that night, and he loves you. I've never been surer!" Maureen smiled, happy for her father, happy for Olivia.  
"What makes you so sure?" Tears welled in Olivia's eyes, she loved him, always had, but she had done everything she could to deny it in the face of her cancer.  
"His code." Maureen replied matter-of-factly, squeezing her hand.

"What code?" asked Olivia.  
"Liv, when dad kisses your forehead, especially when you're sleepy or unwell, how many times does he kiss you?" Maureen asked.

"Three." Olivia sighed.

"That's his code – three kisses, three little words. He's been doing it since I was a baby." Maureen smiled broadly.

A single, salty tear slipped down Olivia's cheek.

0-0-0

Despite her initial reluctance, Olivia went to bed for an afternoon nap at Maureen's insistence, threats being closer to the mark.

"You're definitely you father's daughter, aren't you?" Olivia had chided when she knew Maureen had won their little battle of wills.

"Yep," Maureen had replied, the same cheeky grin on her face. "Now get to bed or you'll be sorry when my father gets home!"

Maureen curled up on the sofa and turned the television on low. She too had fallen asleep when Elliot came in.

"Hi Maureen," he said quietly, kissing his daughter's head three times. "Visiting again?"

"Not quite. What time's it?" she yawned, stumbling to her feet.

"A little after six," Elliot replied looking at his watch.

"Oh god, I didn't realise it was so late," Maureen quickly scanned the room.

"What's wrong?" asked Elliot, noting the concern spread across his daughter's beautiful face.

Maureen crossed the room and opened Olivia's bedroom door quietly, she was still asleep.

"Maureen, what's going on?" asked Elliot, coming nearer.

"Sshh dad," she said, closing the door. "Liv's sleeping."

"At this time? How long's she been asleep?" Elliot had his hand on the door knob

"Four hours, thereabouts." Maureen admitted.

"Is she sick?" he asked as he opened the door.

"No dad, she's not sick," Maureen said as she pulled the door closed. "But we do need to talk."

Maureen sat her dad down on the sofa and then sat down beside him, one leg tucked underneath her. She sighed as she saw the concern wash across her father's face. Quietly gave him her version of the day's events.

"Why didn't you call me? I could have come home." Elliot was back on his feet.

"Liv, didn't want you to know – she made me promise not to _call _you. I stayed because I didn't want her to be alone and I knew you'd be by, that way I could tell you and not break my promise about _calling_ you." Maureen said, tugging her father's arm and dragging him back to the sofa.

"Thank you." Elliot leant forward and kissed her.

"Dad, why don't you tell Olivia you love her?" Maureen asked and smiled at the surprised look on Elliot's face. "You do love her, don't you, dad?" Elliot nodded. "Tell her!"

"It's not that simple, sweetie." Elliot sighed, nothing was ever simple where Olivia Benson was concerned.

"Why not?" Maureen demanded quietly, it seemed straight forward to her.

Elliot gave his daughter a heavily edited and sanitised version of their London encounter and told her how, after the diagnosis, Olivia didn't want any discussion on the subject of them until her cancer was behind her. He didn't like it but he was going to respect her wishes.

"Then if you can't tell her directly, just make sure you show her," Maureen began. "She's feeling very vulnerable and unattractive and…"

"She told you that?" Elliot asked quietly.

"Aha." Maureen nodded, Olivia hadn't said it in as many words, but Maureen knew it was what she felt, and she knew her father needed to hear it.

0-0-0-

After Maureen had gone, Elliot changed into his sweats and slipped into Olivia's bed.

"Hey Liv," he said, as she stirred.

"Elliot? Hey," she said groggily. "What time is it?"  
"Just gone seven," he replied, stroking her hair gently,

"Seven, really?" she yawned and stretched.

"You must have been really tired." He caressed her cheek, she had never looked more beautiful; he wondered how she could doubt herself so much.

"I was," she admitted.

Elliot inched closer and wrapped his arms around her, she buried her head in his chest, comforted by his warmth and strength. He tenderly kissed her head three times and she smiled to herself.

"Do you need anything, Liv?" he asked quietly, prepared to give her anything, everything.

"Yeah, you not to let go."

"Done!"

---------------------------ooooooooo---------------------------------------------------ooooooooo-------------------------

_Two chapters to go _


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Last November I found myself in London, standing at Charing Cross Station, beneath the Thistle Hotel. I was waiting for a friend and I waited and waited and …you guessed waited. I decided to let my mind wander and this is where it took me… Enjoy!**

_**For Olivia-Jordan, because she wanted an update very much! Xox**_

Two weeks later  
Precinct  
Thursday  
5.45 pm

There had been no further discussion as to Olivia's ill-fated shopping trip. In fact discussion was limited in many areas as Olivia didn't want to think beyond her d-day and Elliot couldn't think of anything but. Where their words ended, their actions began, Olivia was thankful Elliot was around, she needed him, she wanted him but the only way she could express it was by holding his hand, kissing his cheek or just cuddling into him on the sofa or in bed. Elliot, found himself spending more time at Olivia's apartment and in her bed and less in his own, he couldn't have been happier. But there was never any deep discussion on how things were and what would be.

Elliot was standing in front of the Captain's office, discussing a case with the Don, Fin and Munch when Casey turned up, surprising them all.

"Ms Novak, to what do we owe this pleasure?" asked Don curiously.

"I'm after Elliot actually," she replied before turning to Elliot. "Can I talk to you for a minute, please?"

"Sure," said Elliot leading her to his desk. "What's wrong Case?"

"Is it that obvious?" Casey asked. It was; her face was pale and her eyes red.

"Yeah, it is. What's up?" He asked sitting on the edge of his desk.

"It's Liv. She's not…" Her voice trailed as she searched for the right words, tears filled her eyes.

"Casey, what's wrong with Olivia?" Elliot asked, slowly and deliberately.

"I went to see her this afternoon and she was pretty upset," said Casey, wringing her hands.  
"About what?" Elliot tried to establish eye contact with the ADA.

"Everything!" Her head shot up. "She said she was doing fine about the review tomorrow but then this morning she had this 'bad feeling' wash over her and she can't shake it."

"Damn! I knew there was something wrong when I spoke to her earlier but she just said she was tired." Elliot was on his feet, grabbing his jacket.

"It's much more than that," Casey said, pulling on his arm. "She did nothing but cry the two hours I was there. I didn't want to leave her but she said she was going to have a sleep and you'd be bringing home Chinese for dinner by the time she woke up."

Elliot grabbed his keys and was gone.

By the time he opened the door to Olivia's apartment he had concluded the delivery order for dinner. He heard the shower stop running and gave Olivia a few minutes to herself. When he heard no sounds coming from her bedroom he knocked quietly on the door and, getting no reply, opened it slowly.

Olivia was standing in front of her full length mirror, her robe fastened at the waist but draped off her shoulders.

"Liv?" She spun around startled. She tried to pull the robe together. "Hey, hey, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you." He moved quickly to her.

"No, it's okay," she said but her tears betrayed her and she began to sob quietly.

Elliot sat her on the bed and stood in front of her. He held her to his chest and rocked as she continued to sob. He said nothing.

"I'm sorry, Elliot," she finally said.

He drew back and brushed away her tears. "Liv, talk to me. You were doing so well this morning."

She took several deep breaths. "I was doing okay until about ten, then I just got this overwhelming feeling that tomorrow would be a horrible, horrible day. I keep telling myself I'll be fine but then I caught sight of these in the mirror," she said looking down, "and it all came back to me. What if I still have cancer? What if they have to remove more? What if they can't do the surgery? What if…what if…what if… it always looks like this…this…this deflated balloon?" She struggled to catch her breath.

"Hey Liv." He stroked her hair. "For what it's worth, I think they're beautiful, both of them."

"You're just saying that," she whispered trying to regulate her breathing.

"No, I'm not. You see this one as scarred but it's a beautiful scar," he soothed, kissing her forehead.

"How can it be beautiful?" Olivia asked quietly.

He drew down her robe and exposed her breast. "You see this scar?" She nodded. "It's a scar that means you don't have cancer – a scar that has saved your life, that is such a beautiful thing to me." Olivia smiled but tears began to fall again. "You still think it looks like a deflated balloon, don't you?" She nodded. "I can fix it now, if you like?" Elliot said.

"How?" she asked, wiping away her tears. "How can you fix it?"

"I've always been very creative with balloons." He flashed her a cheeky smile and dropped to his knees. He took a deep breath, pursed his lips and puffed out his cheeks."  
"Elliot, what are you doing?" she asked as his lips neared her nipple.

"I'm going to reinflate it." He blew gently and she burst into a fit of giggles. "See, it worked!" He said proudly.

"Um, no it didn't," she said, looking down.

"Yes it did, it made you smile and that's all I ever wanted."

Ignoring all rational thoughts, Olivia took Elliot's face in her hands and kissed him. It was tender and passionate and brought back memories of London. She felt his hands move up her back and to her neck, pulling her closer and closer. Elliot tried to gain his footing as Olivia moved backwards on the bed, pulling him onto it with her. She ran her hands under his shirt and caressed his chest. Just as she was about to remove his shirt the doorbell rang.

"That'll be dinner," he said breathlessly.

"Saved by the bell, hey?" she said, pulling her robe closed.

Olivia awoke Friday morning to Elliot's gentle caress of her face. She smiled at him before she even opened her eyes.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said.

"Morning yourself," she murmured, opening her eyes. "Why are you dressed already? Did I oversleep?"

"No, you've got plenty of time. Look, something's come up and I have to go out this morning but I will meet you at Dr Slater's office by eleven, okay? He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"Where do you have to go?" Olivia asked.

"Can't say but I'll be there, I promise."

One chapter to go!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Final Chapter!  
**

_**For Olivia-Jordan, because she wanted an update very much! **_

_**For Mariposa Angel, because sometimes we do get what we want!**_

_**For Ad Hominem Argument because adjectives do make a difference.**_

_**And for all those who have read and reviewed – sincerely appreciated !!! xox**_

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Mount Sinai  
Dr Slater's Room  
10:55 am

Olivia sat in the small waiting room impatiently tapping her foot and checking her watch. She watched the door for any sign of Elliot and cursed whatever was keeping him away. She watched two patients go in before her. Each with the same look she had seen on her own face in the mirror than morning. The first lady, a woman in her sixties, came out smiling broadly, the second, a woman in her twenties exited in tears, Olivia thought of herself as the tiebreaker. She watched the door to the office and cursed Elliot again, knew she'd be going in alone. She wasn't sure if she could face what lay ahead by herself, but when Dr Slater came to the door she knew she had no choice. _Damn you, Elliot, you started this_, she muttered to herself as she approached the door with overwhelming trepidation.

"Olivia, come on in," said Dr Slater. She walked in and took the far seat. "Elliot not coming?"

"He's running late, he said he'd be here," Olivia answered and absently crossed her fingers for luck.

"Well, we'll catch him up when he gets here. Now, I have the results of your tests from last week." He glanced at the paperwork in Olivia's file and then up at his anxious patient. "It's okay, Olivia, breathe."

"Sorry, I guess I was a little more nervous than I thought," she replied, mentally cursing Elliot yet again.

"There's no need to be – your results are good, all of them. There is no sign of cancer at all. We should be able to schedule the reconstructive surgery within the month. How does that sound?" Dr Slater put down the files.

Olivia drew a deep breath, trying to take in the news. "It's gone? All of it? I don't have cancer?"

"You don't have cancer, Olivia, not one little bit. Of course you'll have six monthly check ups for the first two years and annual reviews after that, but I am very confident you'll have a full recovery from this," Dr Slater announced.

"Thank you, thank you so very much." Olivia said, breathing for the first time since Elliot had taken her breath away the first night in London.

"I'll send your file to the plastic surgeon and his secretary will contact you…sorry," he said as he answered the ringing phone. "Oh, really? Yes, we've finished in here. You can come in now." Dr Slater hung up the phone and looked at the door, it opened.

Olivia smiled, anticipating Elliot, she stood to greet him, his absence forgiven by the good mood she was now in. She took two steps towards the opening door but stopped suddenly when she saw Don Cragen standing there, blood covering his once crisp white shirt.

"Oh no, no, no," Olivia shook her head. "Don't tell me…No, Don…No!" She backed away from her boss.

"No, Liv, no," he moved to her and grabbed her shoulders. "Elliot's alright – well, not alright but he's alive."

"Oh God, oh God!," she mumbled, trying to comprehend the new situation she found herself in.

Her legs gave way and she slumped back into the chair. "What happened?" she managed before the tears began to stream down.

"He was caught up in this morning's shootings on 5th Avenue," Don explained, his hand holding hers tightly.  
"He's been shot? God!" Pain and panic etched on her face.

"Look, Liv, he's down in the ER, he's in a serious but stable condition and…" Don began.

Olivia was out the door before he could stop her; he caught her arm at the elevator. "Liv, I'll take you to him."

As they approached the trauma bay, Don pointed to a chair and told Olivia to sit.  
"No, I want to see him," she insisted, pushing on the doors.

"Sit!" he ordered. "I'll go in first, sit!"

Reluctantly she did and after a few eternally long minutes he came out for her. The colour drained completely from her face as she entered the room and saw the toll the two bullets had taken on Elliot's chest.

"Elliot!" she cried, rushing to his side.

"I'm...alright…Liv. Sorry…missed…appointment," he gasped. "How'd it…go?"

"I got the all clear," she said, her tears splashing on his face.

"Told…you…..…so." He slipped into unconsciousness.

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When Elliot awoke from the surgery, seven hours later, Olivia was still at his side.

"Hi…Liv," he whispered, struggling to remove his mask.

"No, leave it on Elliot," Olivia instructed, putting it back into place.

"But I…need…" He tried again.

"You need to leave it on." Olivia held it in place.

He drifted off to sleep again.

"Elliot?" He struggled to open his eyes. "Elliot, I broke your code." She kissed his forehead three times.

"Huh?" he replied groggily. She repeated herself. "I can't hear you, Liv."

She took his head in her hands. "Listen very carefully!" She planted three firm and deliberate kisses on him. "Get it that time?"

He nodded. "I love you too, Olivia."

The following day, when the effects of the anaesthetic had worn away, Elliot sat up in bed, his pain numbed by a concoction of drugs, his breathing assisted by the pure oxygen flowing through his mask. He was supposed to be listening to his boss but his mind kept drifting. "Elliot?" Don's voice brought him back.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Elliot tried to focus on the face before him.

"I wanted to know whether you wanted this back yet?" he asked, producing the trademark pale blue ring box from Tiffany's which had been entrusted to him in the ER yesterday.

"Yeah." Elliot mumbled, putting out his hand.

"Are you going to ask Liv to marry you?" Don asked, pleased with this development.

"Yeah." His smile unmistakable.

"Will she say yes?" Don asked.

"God… I hope… so." Elliot's eyes widened, he had ever considered she'd say no.

"Am I interrupting?" Olivia called, knocking on the door frame.

"Never," Elliot replied, she was the best medicine he could hope for.

"I was just going, Liv, take my seat." Don said. He kissed her cheek before leaning towards Elliot and kissing his forehead too – something he had never done in his life before. Without another word he went out into the corridor and leaned back on the cold wall. He raised his face to the ceiling and did something else, which was foreign to him, he thanked God. For the past two months he had been scared to death Olivia would be taken from him, she was the only daughter he would ever know, yesterday Elliot was nearly taken. While he had served with many fine men throughout his career, Elliot was the one he was closest to, the son he never had. Today he had them both, and if Olivia said yes, they'd have each other and that in itself was enough to thank God for.

Olivia and Elliot eye's both followed their boss' departure, neither speaking at first.

"He kissed…me!" Elliot finally said.

"He loves you, like I do." Olivia kissed Elliot's forehead three times and then sat on the bed.

Elliot shook his head, "I hope it's ...not exactly like... you do," he said before smiling broadly.

Olivia sighed deeply, no one could love him like she did. "What do you think you were doing getting yourself shot on 5th Avenue yesterday?" she asked, her fingers running through his hair.

"I had… to get this." He produced the Tiffany's box from beneath the covers. "I know you wanted… to wait until after your… appointment… to discuss us but…I wanted you… to know just how much I love you." His long and whispered declaration left him breathless. "Regardless…of how you went…I was going to ask…you to be…my wife…before we went in to …see Dr Slater." He drew some deep breaths.

"You were?" Olivia asked, noting the past tense. "Changed your mind?"

He nodded and took her hand. "I once asked someone…to be my wife…and we know how…that turned out." He gave a half smile. "I've been doing a …lot of…thinking and I don't…want a wife."

"Oh," Olivia whispered, tears starting to pool in her chocolate eyes.

Elliot raised her hand to his mouth and kissed it, before brushing away the single tear which had escaped down her cheek.

"You see…" he continued. "This time 'round…I don't want a wife…just a wife…I want to be …a…husband…I want to be…your husband…if you'll have me!" He opened the box

"Oh God, Elliot, it's beautiful!" Olivia exclaimed removing the sparkling diamond encrusted ring from its velvet home.

"Just like you!" He tried drawing a deep breath, it didn't work. "Olivia...will you let me…be your husband?"

"Yes!" she whispered, tears cascading down her cheeks as he slipped the ring on her finger.

Elliot pulled off his mask and Olivia kissed him tenderly but noting his almost instant breathlessness she pulled back.

"It's alright, Liv," he protested as she tried to replace his mask.

"No, you need the oxygen," she said as she put in back in place.

"I need you more," he whispered, she was better than any oxygen supply.

"You have me," she whispered, kissing his forehead, then mask. "Besides, when you're up and about again; I'll have you breathless each and every night, in a much better way."

"Promise?"

"Promise!"

And so it was that Olivia and Elliot kept their promises and many a day, and night, were spent repeating their efforts in London and making new memories and new ways to make each other breathless.

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_**Thank you to all who have read it all; it's been a fun ride!**_

_**Nettie **_


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